“I wanted to thank you again for the class yesterday. I thoroughly enjoyed it and can truly see the benefits of this exercise of breathwork. I had the best sleep also which is very rare and proven that breathwork works.”

— KATHY I

Selenge’s Story

Part 1: I spoke my truth too harshly

I talked to my sister this morning and told her what's in my heart. I ugly cried and I told her "I am sorry" that I did not understand her before. And through this vulnerability I felt like that we've healed a some layer of emotional wound between us and I felt closer to her, I felt more authentic love towards her.

Something happened 20 years go and it effects me till this day. Coz of that day my health is never the same, I guess i've got forced to live with more awareness and listen to my body so deeply. This is probably the wisdom living some level of disability, physical limitation - listen to your body and be aware.

When I was a little girl my right ear used hurt a lot and somehow down the line, I lost hearing in my right ear. That was fine for me coz I had the other ear.

However, my left has another story... 20 years ago my sister got pregnant. But sadly one day her boyfriend freaked out and left her. I can imagine that she felt so abandoned - the rage inside her was so huge. I was living with her at the time, I could feel her raw anger, resentments and sadness. Unfortunately, she would project those heavy emotions to us, to her family members. It was difficult time for us and for her.

One day I got so sick of her projecting her anger towards me and "I spoke my truth", yet too harshly!!!

I said really nasty things like that - she deserve to be abandoned etc...those words really triggered her a big time, and she started to uncontrollably hit me...

And I've got frozen in that moment. I did not know what to do... I remember a part of me wanted to run but I could not. Defenseless and helpless...So I froze in that corner allowing a violence to happen me.

After while she stopped. And then we almost pretended like it did not happen...

Next a few days I felt that my left ear is hurting. Then I went to doctor and doc told me that my ear drum is broken and not long after I developed ringing ear.

From there on I started to feel deep rage and anger " towards her and towards myself. But I was not even aware of how it was actually killing me inside, a like volcano inside me ready to explode anytime, anywhere, but held it together. I think i've paid the price of holding onto thse emotions at least 14, 15 years.... my anger was slow spreading cancer. I beleive it was effecting my health not only ears, brain functions also gut issues, mental health overall anger resentments and confusion.

Probably you would say PTSD.

Last several years since finding a God within me, I started to see the light of this situation. Why.. it is happened to me, connect the dots.

It was probably one of the hardest healing journey I had to go through - to forgive myself being so stupid, insensitive with my words, forgive myself to freezing when I was supposed to run, to forgive my vulnerable pregnant sister and her unconscious act...

It has been a long journey of healing. No one meditation or yoga fixed it, it has been many layers of healing. However I say that each time, I sit with it " I am a lot more freer", each layer of healing made me a little more vulnerable stronger and more compassionate person.

I am not sure it will ever completely disappear or heal - but I know, even just sharing my story now feels a lot less triggering, less emotionally charged than 2 years ago. I almost feel that I can be more of an "observer" of my past experience.

Part 2: I can create my reality

It's so amazing to get help from others. You can only do so much on your own. Two days ago I went and saw amazing woman who is past life regression healer Jacinta Hoogenboom

She took me many amazing space and dimensions. But the most powerful one was going back to memory of 20 years ago.

The healer helped me let go the old memory and "recreate" the complete new story, new reality. I was able to recreate the event the way I wished it to be...

My new perception snapshot of the event now:

I am sitting side by side with her and telling her how much I empathise and understand her situation. I am padding her hugging her and telling her that I am there for her that I love and care for her. She is not alone.

This image, this reality felt so beautiful and heartopening. So, yesterday I've called my sister and told her this. I am glad did it. I was resisting to call her for months. She received it so beautifully.

"Now the snapshot of helpless defenless girl shifted into bedroom sitting with my sister supporting her. Wow how different, so powerful"

Now that I have this new lense, new perception of what happened between us, I can continue to meditate on it and choose to believe and entertain this reality instead of other one. You probably heard that neurons that fire together wire together. This way I can continue create new neuropathways, new pattern thinking in my brain. Because this is much better for my well-being, for our relationship, for the planet. We need more love and understanding. All of us humans done the best what we know at the time.

I believe we are non linear beings, we live in past, present, future all at once. Through powerful present moment we can access our past or future change or create realities we desire.